Finally some COOL news about the rock band The Eagles

October 30, 2017


If you’ve been on planet Earth for any amount of time, your ears have most likely been force-fed the music of the group known as The Eagles. The Los Angeles country pop rock ‘n’ roll outfit known for covering the more laid back side of classic rock may have been more lax than we ever imagined. One of their most well-known hits is a song that echoes eternally (and painfully) in all of our souls.  The meaning behind “Hotel California”, a song that describes a love affair in Mexico’s famed destination of the same name has been a topic of dispute for decades. Fans have claimed the song’s meaning to be about anything from the turbulent lifestyles of those in the music industry, to the mental imprisonment of some practicing Satanists. It is now that you will learn the truth behind the song you’ve misunderstood for too long: These easy going men were singing about the lifestyle of a marijuana smoker.

OK, try to follow me. The song begins by mentioning the smell of “colitas” – a slang term in Mexico for the leaves of a low-quality marijuana plant:

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air

Next we are introduced to a woman whom I’ve come to identify as a personification of the leafy drug. “Mary Jane” was the one “standing there in the doorway”. We also learn of the classic precautionary tale of his understanding that the psychedelic trip could be “Heaven or Hell” (like that time you got stoned and laughed your ass off at six straight hours of 70’s sitcoms versus the time you called your mother at 3:30 am because you couldn’t feel your fingertips and thought you tasted colors).

Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself,
“This could be Heaven or this could be Hell”

Do I even need to explain this next part? Step 1: Spark it up. Step 2: Hear some voices.

Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say…

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here

Above: Recent Jeopardy Champion Austin Rogers expresses his discontent with The Eagles.

Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget

Have the clouds of pot smoke cleared for you yet? Is your mind “Tiffany -Twisted”, do you got the Mercedes Bends [sic]? Can you relate to the notion of marijuana being the only (non-physically addictive) drug that people return to throughout the course of their lives becoming obvious? Do you “dance to remember or dance to forget”?

So I called up the Captain,
“Please bring me my wine”
He said, “We haven’t had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine”
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say…

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They livin’ it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis

Above: The Dude makes his unfavorable opinion on The Eagles quite clear.

Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said “We are all just prisoners here, of our own device”
And in the master’s chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can’t kill the beast

Here it sounds like this experience was “Heaven” and well maybe you will finally relax when you hear this last part…

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
“Relax, ” said the night man,
“We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave!

Still not enough to convince you?

(The) Hotel California or “T.H.C.” (a.k.a. Tetrahydrocannabinol ) is the psychoactive ingredient found in Cannabis. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Thanks D. Henley et al. (Don’t sue me, dude)… and to the readers, “Take it Easy”.


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